I have been lucky enough to serve as a bridesmaid in three weddings. I also hosted my own wedding and managed my own bridal party. So having been both a bride and a bridesmaid, I thought I would share a few bridesmaid tips to help you perform well on your best girl’s best day.

Here are my bridesmaid 5 tips from subtle to direct ways you can really help out the bride and groom.

Don’t Complain

Most people think that the idea of not bothering the bride on the wedding day surrounds texts and calls about locations, last minute RSVPs, and venue issues. In actuality, the best way to help your girl be at peace is not to utter a single complaint! Let’s look at how a complaint could sound to a bride.

Complaint: The makeup artist did a horrible job on my eyeshadow.

What the bride hears: I wonder if everyone’s eyeshadow is going to look crazy in my pictures? Is my eyeshadow messed up too? 

Complaining about your hair or makeup will only make the bride feel insecure and overly concerned about her photos as well as her own appearance. If your makeup looks crazy and you can make subtle changes to fix it, do so quietly. Don’t alter major points of focus, like your brows or eyeshadow, because the bride will notice. Otherwise, leave it on, make everyone feel gorgeous, and keep it pushing. 

Complaining naturally makes a bride assume that she dropped the ball somewhere. Her minds jumps to wondering what else about the day will be impacted by her blunder. All of a sudden her smile fades and she starts worry instead of surrounding herself in the peace that should be afforded to her on her wedding day. 

Don’t Be Late

Punctuality is required by the bridal party all day long. Remember, many events surrounding photography, the ceremony, and the reception can only happen during certain time frames. The bride and groom should never be waiting for you or wondering where you are. If you are supposed to get dressed at a certain time, be there early. Make sure to keep all of your clothes, accessories, and whatever other items you bring in an organized bag or suitcase. The last thing you want to do is hold everyone up because you can’t find your shoes or because you left your phone under twelve bridesmaid robes hidden by a bulky suitcase on the floor.

Be aware of when your duties are over at the reception. There is always a time and place for selfies, but the bride’s photos come first. If there is a pause in program between the dinner and the reception activities, stay close by so that you can be properly announced. Also, unless you have discussed it with the bride, don’t leave early! You never know what she may need help with at the end of the night.

Don’t be THAT Bridesmaid

You know the one. She’s double fisting signature drinks and laughing too hard at the bad jokes in the toast. She’s twerking to R&B songs during the early vibe and telling the groom’s mother about that crazy weekend you all had at the bachelorette party. Keep it classy. While a lot of your college friends may have been invited, this isn’t a house party. This is a binding of God’s amazing grace with two people who you really care about. They are surrounding themselves and entrusting the witnessing of their union to a select group of people, which includes you. You are wearing a badge of honor at all times, you have been enlisted as a prayer warrior in their tribe and they NEED you. Act accordingly.

Acknowledge their families

This may seem like it goes without saying, but I feel the need to elaborate on this tip. Your friends will have close family, their village, attending this wedding. They will also have the outer layers of that village appear in the image of their extended relatives. Saying a quick “hello” and “goodbye” is okay, but It isn’t how you can be most helpful. Pay attention to their mothers and fathers. If they look stressed out, ask them what you can do to help. They might say nothing, but if you notice them working on something just jump in and help. Load the car, assemble the programs, set the rehersal dinner table. If you keep your eyes peeled I guarantee that there are a thousand ways to help.

Also, remember that these amazing people you came to support are only in existence because of their village. If you feel it in your heart, tell their parents how much their child means to you. Tell them that they have done a phenomenal job and that God has clearly been involved from the start. They might cry or awkwardly laugh at you, but inside they will feel a million butterflies hovering above their faces, trying to tug the corners of their lips into a smile

The most important of the bridesmaid tips I have to share is something simple to remember: today is not about you.

You might hate your makeup, the pictures of you are all horrible, you got dry chicken at the reception, a groomsman spilled a drink on your dress, the DJ didn’t play any songs you knew, or maybe you are bitter because you hoped for a different role in the wedding. Today is not about you. Put your ego to the side and be a force of light for your friends. Lets look at a few practical ways you can do this:

• Keep an Eagle eye on the bride’s train if she has one. Keep dirt, dust, and anything else off of it. Notice if she’s pulling at it or tripping over it. If you are not the maid of honor, don’t overstep those boundaries. Just make sure that someone is keeping tabs on the situation.
• Hold the flowers. There will be so many opportunities to hold people’s bouquets. Real flowers fall and can wilt easily if you lay them down. If someone needs to go to the restroom or the maid of honor has her hands full of train – offer to hold the flowers. Simple and meaningful.
• Steam the bridesmaid dresses. In between hair and makeup appointments, maybe no one remembered to bring or use the steamer on the more wrinkly bridesmaid dresses. Offer to hang the dresses up and steam them yourself. This will make the bride feel better about her pictures and help the bridesmaids feel much more presentable.
• Don’t leave things in the bridal suite. Have a room, car, or some form of backup plan for all of the things you brought. How romantic does it sound to sweep your bride into a luxury hotel room only to be followed by a number of rowdy bridesmaids looking for lost slippers and mascara. When the couple leaves the reception, they should only see you again that night if they have asked to.
• Engage your reception table. Whether you are at a traditional table or separated amongst the other guests, do your best to interact with those around you. Everyone feels awkward at weddings when they’ve traveled alone or just don’t know any of the other guests. It will make the bride and groom feel much more at ease to look out into the crowd and see people talking and having a great time.
• Dance at the reception. The most unsettling and embarrassing feeling as a bride, at the reception, is to look up and see your entire bridal party sitting on the sidelines while you desperately try to get your family members and friends to dance. Lets face it, the DJ can’t play everyone’s favorite songs. Your job is to support the bride, which includes getting down on the dance floor the best way you know how. Gently pull her aunt out to do the Wobble or shimmy next to her mother. Keep it tasteful and genuinely allow yourself to have fun. I have witnessed how contagious it can be first hand.

If you’ve been a bride, are there things you wished your bridal party would have done differently? If you’ve been in a wedding, do you have any other bridesmaid tips to share?