We have all been to church and seen those parents , the ones that we do not envy in the slightest. Maybe they have four kids, maybe they have two, maybe they just have a newborn. Regardless, they always exhibit the same traits for the most part. Their kids are dragging them through the doors, running ahead of them, or are just screaming in defiance. The parents look exhausted. People watch them out of the corners of their eyes to see if they’ll fall asleep in the middle of service. Maybe they do. They’ve got strollers, blankets, bottles, diaper bags, and snacks coming out of every pocket they have.

If it’s cold, like here in Michigan, there’s the added benefit of multiple layers of clothing. Jackets, scarves, and mittens are trailing behind each child. You walk by that pigpen of a mess of people and count your lucky stars that you either don’t have kids or your kids are too grown up to give you those problems anymore. For the other people who know you’re that parent too, you try to catch their gaze and give them a reassuring smile that they aren’t alone.

I’m Definitely That Parent

My husband and I are this couple every Sunday. Let me describe to you what the story behind all that chaos really sounds like. Our worship service starts at 10am. If either of us are serving in a ministry, we need to arrive by 9:30am. Normally we wake up around 7:30am on Sundays. We pick out everyone’s clothes and assign tasks to each other before the kids wake up, something like drawing out military strategy. If at all possible, the goal is to go to church in the same car. Sometimes, if we are running late with the kids, whoever isn’t serving will take them around 10AM. After we have drawn out our battle plan, it’s time to execute.

The “X” Factor

We never know what to expect when we wake the kids up, I like to call this the “X” factor. Both of our girls could wake up happy, babbling, and excited to attend church. This is the ideal situation. It’s also the most simple and unrealistic.

The majority of the time, one or both of the children has had some sort of incident that requires a bath before church. Then there’s the matter of allowing them to naturally wake up. This takes about 10 minutes on average. My littlest one, Noelle, normally just sits up lays down about 20 times before she decides to get up. Naomi is basically a teenager who will get out of bed, walk past me to turn off her light, and bury herself in a pile of blankets. Meanwhile, I sit at the edge of her bed trying not to pull my hair out.

Getting Dressed

Next, we put on everyone’s clothes, make an attempt to style their hair, and then get ourselves dressed. The tricky part about getting ourselves dressed is that we still have to actually watch the children. If I close my eyes while I put on concealer or if Byron turns his back to tie his tie in the mirror for one second, the battle could be lost. Normally, someone has a crayon on the wall or is about to take a daredevil leap off of our bed. When this process is finally over, we are pretty behind schedule.

I’ll run down stairs to quickly scramble eggs and put Eggo Waffles in the toaster. Byron packs the diaper bag and prepares the formula for Noelle. Sometimes breakfast ends up taking place in the car. Then comes the jackets, the shoes, the diaper bag, and the walk to the car.

The walk to the car may seem unnecessary to add, but it is a process. Naomi HAS to have her hood on in the perfect position. She also doesn’t want any type of dirt or water to touch her Paw Patrol light up shoes. She must put on her own chest strap and refuses to wear a jacket in her carseat. I have been able to negotiate with her so that she now just unzips it, most of the time. When we finally make it to church, we are so excited to serve/get a good Word and fellowship with our friends.

The Hand Off

However, we still aren’t done with our parent duties. There’s another walk from the parking lot and then getting through two double doors. We then have to hang up everyone’s coats while trying to greet and chat with other members. I always think that people must assume we are painfully abrupt and rude. It is very difficult to focus on fellowship when Noelle’s pacifier is missing and Naomi is crying because a string is hanging off of her shirt.

We have almost made it at this point. Last stop, the nursery area. Printing out name tags and sticking them on our kids is easy. Noelle will be lovingly scooped up by a nursery worker with no hassle. Naomi sometimes runs to her class, but most times ends up going in kicking and screaming. I tend to awkwardly apologize and ensure the workers that she will be happy and playful as soon as I’m out of eye range, which is 100% true. Byron and I look at each other at this point and wonder how sinful it would be to just nap in the car during service. We sigh and either walk to serve or go into worship service together. 

After Church

Post service, we would love catch up with all of our friends. We always start a ton of conversations we either can’t finish or have to cut off. After watching the monitors to make sure we weren’t being paged for either of the girls all service, we know that the nursery workers are anxious to get going. After service, the kids are almost as stressful as early morning “just woke up” kids. Noelle seems to be starving at this point. She can make it to the car without a major meltdown as long as we don’t stop to chat with anyone, which always happens. Naomi bides her time until the opportune moment presents itself and then launches herself around the building at full speed.

I let Byron do the chasing unless he is serving or not there for some reason. Everyone around us just kind of looks at the situation like it’s so adorable and funny. When I’m at church by myself I pre-warn Naomi about running because it is impossible to chase her while also holding Noelle, a big safety hazard. It is the one thing I dread every week. 

But Still..

Despite all of this, I love going to church. The nursery and the toddler classes give us our space to worship while giving the girls a chance to hear other people talk about Jesus like we do at home. A lot of the times, people will help us with the kids’ jackets or hold them for us while we check them in – people that we know, of course. Many of our church friends have gotten so used to Naomi’s 100 yard dash shenanigans that they will scoop her up as soon as she hits the lobby.

I know that these are all lovely and whimsical things we will soon come to miss about parenting. But today, in the moments we live in, they are stressful. I could see how a couple in our situation, with more kids or a newborn who is rowdy during service, or even a single mother, would have apprehension about their ability to attend church.

Call To Action

If you are able, in a non creepy way, try to help these parents. It could just be holding a toy, hanging up jackets, or offering to talk on the phone after service when they abruptly have to cut the conversation short in order to get their kids settled down. These actions may seem trivial, but they make all the difference.

Most of us are friend deprived, depressed, and still figuring out who we are outside of our parenting roles. I nearly cried one day when a wonderful woman at our church, named Mindy, helped me put on Naomi’s jacket while I tried to use super human speed to fix a bottle for Noelle who was screaming at the top of her lungs and put on her jacket at the same time. I try to repay this courtesy every time I see a family at church who mirrors my own in this way.

It’s always nice to find people who don’t just tell you how good God is, they show you.