In the early spring of 2020 I found out I was expecting my 3rd child. Shortly after that, the world drastically changed as we all headed into a semi permanent quarantine. Little did I know, this would also drastically transform pregnancy into what I like to call a “virtual pregnancy”. Virtual Pregnancy: A pregnancy during 2020 or 2021 calendar year characterized by varying types of isolation and frequent mask wearing.

Keep reading to find out what to expect when you’re expecting during a pandemic.

Appointments 

I has barely started taking my morning sickness relief lollipops in March when the state of Michigan essentially shut down. My prenatal appointments quickly became Telehealth (video chat) appointments. I had to download an app on my phone and wait in a virtual waiting room until my midwife was logged in. He or she would sign in and pretty much just ask how I was feeling and if I had recorded any of my own vitals. It was helpful that I had purchased a fetal doppler and could weigh myself at home, but not necessary. When I reached my last month of pregnancy, weekly appointments continued in person.

It is important to note that I still had to have my blood drawn, rhogam shot, and group b strep test as I normally would in person. 

I didn’t mind the virtual appointments so much, except for the fact that it made pregnancy almost seem unreal. My husband and children were unable to come to any of my in person appointments or ultrasounds. Again, I was so grateful for the fetal doppler letting us all listen to baby together at home. 

Family & Friends 

Both my husband and I worked full time with our kids at home during this pregnacy. There were no family or friends to help me watch them so that I could nap when I was overcome with pregnancy fatigue. Our normal babysitter was an essential worker at a daycare and was unfortunately ill quite a bit. We also didn’t feel comfortable hiring anyone to cook or clean as the number of cases increased in our area. It was extremely stressful.

We weren’t even sure who we could ask to babysit the girls while we were in the hospital. This was due to concern for their safety as well as ours. We seriously had to discuss whether my husband would have to miss the birth to stay home with them. Almost our entire family lived in high risk states or were older and unable to travel at the time we discussed all of this.

When you think about a traditional pregnancy, what comes to mind? Maternity clothes, photos, people rubbing your belly and signing up for a meal train to help you relax as you prep for delivery. A virtual pregnancy is literally just you and whoever you FaceTime into your life.

Luckily, I have some amazing people in my life who made an effort to FaceTime my kids, send flowers or gifts, and call me to make sure I was taking it easy where I could.

Virtual Baby Shower

Then there was question of whether we should even try to have a baby shower! Should we do a drive up shower? Is it okay to do an outside shower if the seating is 6 feet apart? What about a Zoom shower – how do you even mute people?! 

You may wonder if you only want to have a shower to receive gifts. However, because of all of the things we have already reviewed up to now – I realized in our situation that we just wanted to celebrate! We missed all of the “normal” things and interactions you have during pregnancy. In such a depressing time we wanted to acknowledge that God gave us an amazing gift in spite of everything else going on. So, a virtual pregnancy required a virtual baby shower. 

Labor & Delivery

I made sure to call my hospital as well as my OBGYN to find out exactly what to expect when it was time to deliver my son. Each hospital has its own policies and procedures. Here are a few I got clarified at mine:

• The dreaded “cotton swab” test would be required 72 hours before my c-section. If I were to test positive my husband wouldn’t be allowed in the delivery room (they assumed he would also be positive)
• Going into labor early, would require a rapid test
• I would could have 1 visitor per day. Meaning if someone other than my husband came to visit, he would have had to leave and been unable to return until the following day
• My visitor could come and go as long as he was wearing the sticker stating he was a “healthy visitor” and wore a mask in common areas
• We did not wear masks in our room, but the nurses did 
• Discharge would be after 2 days so long as there were no complications 

Surprisingly, having my son was the most familiar part of pregnancy I experienced. Until I document it – check out Naomi’s birth story and Noelle’s birth story! 

Post Partum

Post Partum is the weirdest part of virtual pregnancy. It seems like your infant has just dropped into your new normal life. But, there’s no welcome wagon at the hospital or at your home. Your kids don’t get to meet their new siblings as soon as they’re born. Video chatting your mom isn’t the same as watching her cuddle your newborn in person. And if you’re in my situation – there’s no one waiting at home to tell you to put your feet up, make meals for you, or supervise your toddlers picking up magnet tiles off the floor. Your husband can help, but he’s also only one person who may or may not have paternity leave. Mine only had about a week he could use. 

Virtual Blessings

You may be reading this and thinking “wow, virtual pregnancy sounds awful!”. Some parts were difficult, I can’t lie. However, there were a ton of things that were amazing about it. 

• I got to work from home for almost my entire pregnancy. I was able to take rests or reschedule meetings due to morning sickness or fatigue. Best of all I could rest in my bed or on the couch instead of in my car at work during my lunch break! 
• A ton of money was saved because I didn’t purchase any maternity clothes, other than a dress I wore to my virtual baby shower.
• I ate so much healthier! I would love to say I chose to, but it’s pretty hard to follow through on pregnancy cravings when your favorite places are closed or have cut some of your staple meals from their curbside menus.
• People actually purchased what was on my registry. Every mom knows registries are hit or miss. A ton of people totally just disregard it and buy whatever they want. However, because people are in quarantine, they stuck to my Amazon and Target registries until we actually had 99% completion. Then they just bought clothes, which was fine with us! 
• Although I am currently still on maternity leave, when I go back to work it will still be from home! Good or bad, I get to have all three kids home with me. While way more stressful than normal, I don’t have to worry about their safety at daycare and we are also saving a ton of money on their tuition! 

Overall

Yes, there’s much uncertainty and so many differences in each virtual pregnancy experience. It’s a potentially stressful and lonely time for new parents. However, there are silver linings hidden in the clouds if you take the time to look up! If you’re currently expecting, join a Facebook group for your birth month or keep in contact with other pregnant friends. Don’t sort through all of these emotions on your own. If you know someone who is expecting – check on them! Ask them how they’re doing, let them vent, or send them some Door Dash for dinner one night. If you can think of anything safe and practical to send, that they would feel comfortable receiving, you have no idea how much they would appreciate it.